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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22741930">sorry we've run out of redemption for today, please try again tomorrow</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/miantiao/pseuds/sassy_ninja'>sassy_ninja (miantiao)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bittersweet Ending, Implied/Referenced Torture, Kylo Ren Dies, M/M, Mild Smut, One-Sided Attraction, Past Poe Dameron/Muran, Resolution, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, and poe is very happy about it, but not between poe and kylo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 08:22:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,454</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22741930</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/miantiao/pseuds/sassy_ninja</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Poe meets Ben Solo for the first time when he's eight and for the last time when he's thirty-four. He has a few regrets, most of of them centring around why he didn't punch that asshole in the face when he had a chance. </p><p>(if ur a big fan of kylo ren probably don't read this)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>sorry we've run out of redemption for today, please try again tomorrow</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hello this is just basically a rant fic bc I don't like kylo ren and I wrote it in like 20 mins. in summary for anyone who cares: he was always been just a giant man baby who nerds like bc they're so ~misunderstood~ even tho nerd culture is essentially mainstream at this point and anyone else who likes him just thinks adam driver is hot. Disney should've just played into the fact that he's an out of control loser instead of r*an Johnson trying desperately to make him sexy in tlj even tho adam driver is build like a fridge. thank u for coming to my ted talk</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Eight </em>
</p><p> </p><p>The first time Poe meets Ben Solo they’re children, so young that it’s not so much a real memory as something adults have told him enough times that he can imagine it happening. He’s eight, not understanding where his mother has gone, Ben is six, nervous and spoilt and Poe doesn’t understand why he’s like that.</p><p> </p><p>He’s kind to him anyways because that’s what his parents always taught him to be. They play together in the garden, Poe showing him how to climb up the big magic tree and sit amongst the branches. Neither of them falls out, no one cries or fights and when Ben leaves a day later, trailing behind his parents Poe promptly forgets all about him.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Eighteen</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Poe is popular in the Academy, why wouldn’t he be? He’s confident, kind, the best pilot any of the instructors have seen in decades. He’s always surrounded by people, someone laughing, smiling, telling a stupid story that he listens to with a teasing smile and bright eyes. He’s the golden boy of the entire Academy as soon as he arrives.</p><p> </p><p>The Jedi students are always kept separate from the rest of the Academy, but somehow in their free time Ben always manages to trail behind Poe like a dark little shadow. He’s fine with it, always nice to him, makes sure his friends are nice to him as well even though he just stares at Poe and doesn’t talk much.</p><p> </p><p>“We’re family friends,” he tells people because that’s true and they make a little confused face at him that says ‘why do you pity him so much that you keep him around?’ He doesn’t pity him, he thinks Ben is kind of funny is a weird sarcastic way and other than that it’s not like he’s a nuisance. He’s just quiet, just shy, but no matter how many times Poe tries to push him to make friends of his own he just slides back beside him a few hours later, not looking at him in the eye.</p><p> </p><p>He sighs and doesn’t know what to do. He’s only eighteen and it feels more and more like he has a kid following him around, but what can he do? Ben can’t exactly fend for himself, so Poe lets him sit at the same table and lurk in the cadets’ common room even though technically he’s not allowed.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Twenty</em>
</p><p> </p><p>There’s an urgent knocking on his door just as Muran is about to push in, Poe groans in frustration when his hips stutter to a halt and the knocks come again even louder this time. He presses his face into the pillow for a second, repressing to urge to scream in frustration, before he pushes himself up and grabs someone’s underwear from the ground to slip on.</p><p> </p><p>“What?” he snaps when he opens the door just a fraction and sticks his head out, a little harsher than he intends to, but come on can you really blame him? Ben Solo’s pale scared face stares back at him, tear stained, and fists clenched by his sides.</p><p> </p><p>“Is this a bad time?” he asks, voice wavering and Poe glances behind him where Muran is sprawled across the bed staring at his ass and slowly jacking himself off.</p><p> </p><p>“Just a little bit,” he winces at how Ben’s face crumples, “is it urgent? We can talk in the morning.”</p><p> </p><p>“Who is it, Poe?” Muran calls out and he turns again to roll his eyes at him, “c’mon bed’s getting cold without you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Shut up, Muran,” he hisses and he gets a lazy grin in return, but Ben is already slowly backing away.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s okay, we can talk another time,” Ben stammers out, running away before Poe can say another word and he shakes his head before closing the door. He falls back onto bed and after just a touch more teasing, Muran finally starts to fuck him into the mattress like he needs to be fucked.</p><p> </p><p>When Muran’s fallen asleep, wrapping his arms around Poe in a comfortable embrace with the sweat slowly evaporating off their skin does he think about Ben again. He recognises the look in his eye when he sees Poe, you’d be blind not to. The kid has a crush and Poe doesn’t particularly like him back, but he’s not quite sure what to do about it, he can’t just tell him no without a confession even happening. He sighs and buries his face in Muran’s shoulder. It feels like everywhere Ben Solo goes he brings with him problems.</p><p> </p><p>They don’t talk in the morning even though Poe comms him. He never replies and after a week of Ben avoiding him, Poe gives up and drops it.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Thirty-two</em>
</p><p> </p><p>He never really thought he would be sitting in a First Order torture chamber at the mercy of Ben Solo, sorry Kylo Ren. That weird kid that followed him around the Academy, the kid who always had a crush on Poe and never admitted it, the man who killed his classmates and fled to the dark side. He spits the pooling blood in his mouth onto the floor and Kylo Ren stares at him through the mask.</p><p> </p><p>“How many times I’ve wanted to get you into this position, Poe Dameron,” he drawls, voice distorted and Poe almost laughs. It’s laughable really, the way this spoilt kid thought that he could be Vader or something else. That’s what he’s always really been, just a spoilt kid with the whole galaxy at his beck and call and yet still felt like no one understood him.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, come off it Kylo,” he smiles, voice low and easy, “you’ve fantasised about me, who hasn’t at this point? Are you just gonna insinuate and pretend that you’ve changed in the last ten years because we all know you’re just the same scared little kid I always knew growing up.”</p><p> </p><p>“Shut up,” he snarls, slamming Poe’s head back, but he doesn’t stop grinning like a madman. He’s dead anyways, might as well have some fun while he’s here.</p><p> </p><p>“C’mon are you finally gonna act on the crush you’ve always had on me or what? You’ve got me chained down, nothing I can do, but you’re still too scared to do anything about it,” he bares his teeth, straining against the Force holding his head back.</p><p> </p><p>“You knew?” he says, voice suddenly small and the pressure pushing Poe’s head back finally disappears, “you never said anything.”</p><p> </p><p>Sometimes Poe is cruel, only rarely, but most of those times are when he’s being captured and tortured and the lives of everyone he loves is on the line. He looks at Kylo Ren with his blank mask and his slouched shoulders and he sees someone who could never be redeemed, who would never deserve it anyways.</p><p> </p><p>“Because why would I ever want anything to do with you? I pitied you, that’s all,” he spits and Kylo Ren smashes his way into Poe’s mind. He screams until he blacks out and when he wakes up the room is empty again.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Thirty-four</em>
</p><p> </p><p>The grave is unmarked and empty so no fanatics can come and worship over it, but Rey had insisted it be built anyways. Poe doesn’t ask her what happened on Exogol, but he sees the look regret in her eyes, and he recognises it from when he looks at himself in the mirror and he doesn’t comment.</p><p> </p><p>“You were always a piece of shit, Ben,” he says, sitting down on the grass, “if you were still alive, I’d kill you.”</p><p> </p><p>He hopes his stupid Force ghost is here listening because there’s so much more that Poe has to say to him. He’s bitter and old and he wishes he had the opportunity to punch him in the face one more time.</p><p> </p><p>“Sometimes I wonder if I could’ve done something more, if I could’ve saved you and then I think fuck that – you didn’t deserve any of it. You had two parents who loved you more than anything in the galaxy, so many people around you who always tried to help you, but you still felt like you were so special,” he sounds disgusted and he is. There’s no one he hates more than Kylo Ren, no one, “you were a spoilt kid and you just became a spoilt angry adult. At least Vader had some sort of justification, but you? What did you have? A happy childhood and every privilege a person could imagine? Boo fucking hoo.”</p><p> </p><p>He sits there in silence for a little while longer, letting his anger simmer in his gut before finally lets it go. He sighs and stands, brushing the dirt off his trousers before he walks away. He doesn’t ever come back.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>aye I hope u enjoyed if u did then leave a comment and a kudo and if u didn't honestly I don't blame u!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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